Sure, this movie is crude. But lost in the mix of Big Momma’s House 2 are the wholesome family lessons that Big Momma teaches. For example, did you know that all you have to do to make an eight-year-old girl popular is to teach her and her prepubescent friends how to pole dance? And that’s only the beginning.

Martin Lawrence reprises his crime-fighting FBI agent Malcolm Turner in BMH2 to solve the murder of an ex-partner. Upset and bored with his desk job, Malcolm goes undercover and under cellulite to track down the bad guys. Just one problem: he has to go to work as a nanny this time, and he never could have expected that caring for the average on-screen family could be so hard.

Lawrence’s morbidly obese octogenarian role in Big Momma’s House 2 makes his first crack at the fat suit look like Casablanca. The story has no direction and a script that the actors stick to no matter how bad it gets. The jokes try to walk the line between witty adult humor and endearing family fun, but it just falls apart; it isn’t dirty enough to be funny on shock value and it isn’t clean enough to bring the kids. Compared to sitting through all 99 minutes of BMH2, a colonoscopy, dental surgery and Iraqi prison camps all seem like great alternatives.

Between the Big Momma movies, the Bad Boys series, Blue Streak and so on, Lawrence always seems to play a cop. This is amusing because in real life, he can’t seem to stay away from the po-po either. It’s just that he’s usually in the back of the car, and the real acting job is trying to pass the roadside DUI test.

It’s hard to say that Lawrence should give it up because everyone deserves a right to work if they can sucker someone into paying them. But, if you really want to know what it’s like to watch Big Momma’s House 2, all you have to do is go out to the garage, get a shovel, and have your friend hit you right in the face with it. Paying for a ticket just adds insult to injury.

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