Over the past few weeks, Doin’ It Well has focused on sensual massage, paying attention to our bodies, and slowing sex down. But what if you don’t have that kind of time? Pick up the pace and have a “quickie!” Quickies are fast, intense sex. Quickies can be free from connection or emotions, or they can deepen connections, can be spontaneous or scheduled. Quickies can happen almost anywhere and include anything, but the main feature is they’re fast, fast, fast!
Quickie for Two
When people talk about quickies, they’re usually talking about both people getting off quickly. However, many people think quickies are designed for quick, physical pleasure for men. It’s no wonder that women don’t always see them as a turn-on. After a few quickies, the excitement can fade, because the woman may not be experiencing her own excitement or quick physical release through orgasm.
Quickies place the focus on physical pleasure. This can sometimes be harder for women, because they are socialized to have sex for the connection it provides. Focusing mainly on the physical sensations and pleasure – as opposed to the emotional interaction – can be freeing for some people when the quickie is part of the overall sexual repertoire. Ever fantasize about sex without connection? A quickie with your partner might be your opportunity. You could also build fantasies around the quickie by pretending you don’t know your partner, or that you’ve just met and hooked up.
Because no one knows better than you how you get off fastest, mutual masturbation can be an exciting experiment. And remember: practice makes perfect! Learning how to get yourself off quickly can help you and your partner know what will keep the quickie quick and sexy. If you can’t get yourself off quickly, your partner probably won’t be able to get you there fast, either.
Quickies don’t have to get both people off, but both partners should enjoy the experience. Because it can be difficult to get both people revved up quickly, try making the quickie all about your partner’s pleasure one time and all about yours the next.
Setting the Mood
Just because quickies are fast and sometimes spontaneous doesn’t mean the quickie has to start when you have sex. Quickies may not have the typical foreplay that sex usually includes, but excitement can begin long before the actual sex. In fact, talking, fantasizing, or thinking about the quickie can increase arousal, excitement and intensity. Talk with your sexual partner throughout the day and/or fantasize about what you’d like from a quickie. What do you find attractive about your partner? Where would you like to have
a quickie? What would you like to do to your partner? What would you like them to do to you? Don’t be afraid to get turned on before the quickie starts; touching yourself or fantasizing can help give you the motivation you need.
Location Location Location!
Think about where you might have your quickie. At home before your day starts, or before going to bed? Or maybe your quickies are in semi-private spaces that don’t allow you to dilly-dally. Whether you’re in your car, on a rooftop, or in your kitchen, thinking ahead about location can help your quickie be uninterrupted and fun. If you need to, plan an “escape route” to keep your privacy (and perhaps dignity). You can also dress for success; wearing clothes that can be easily removed, like skirts, sweatpants, or shorts, can allow for easier access.
Quickies can also deepen connection between partners. Experiment with taking 10 minutes in the morning to simply gaze into each other’s eyes, doing deep breathing together. Quickies throughout the day can also build connection in your relationship. In fact, quickies can help get you awake and ready for your day, or energized to continue your day. Many people think that orgasms induce sleep and so quickies may lead to feeling tired. While both men and women feel relaxed and perhaps sleepy after experiencing orgasm, the excitement of a quickie can increase energy levels.
Quickies are about having fun, quick, sex. But not all partners are willing or able to drop everything for a romp. Think about what’s going on for your partner before you ask about having a quickie. If your partner is completely swamped at work, asking them to leave for quick sex at lunchtime can seem callous. On the other hand, if you’re the one who is stressed out, consider a quickie to get you through that rough day with smile! A quickie should be fun and stress-relieving for both of you. Talk with your partner to find out what you both want (and when you want it).
Next week, we’ll answer a reader question about local sex shops.
Kim Rice and Ross Wantland are professionals in the fields of sexuality and violence prevention. E-mail them at firstname.lastname@example.org