Last week the U.S. Supreme Court issued a verdict that capital punishment of those under 18 years of age is unconstitutional because it amounts to cruel and unusual punishment. Y’know if we can’t put children to death, what does that say about our country, huh? That we’re pansies. That’s what.

NPR is reporting that the Department of Homeland Security has placed 24-hour electronic tracking bracelets on 1,700 immigrants as part of an experimental program and that the department is considering making all non-citizens wear such tracking devices. Repeat after me: “A Brave New World is fiction. A Brave New World is fiction.”

According to China Daily and Prensa Latina, the Iraqi Health Ministry official sent to Fallujah, has accused the United States of using banned weapons such as napalm and mustard gas in their assault on the city. Perhaps they just found some of the old stuff Saddam had lying around. Waste not, want not.
The American Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee has accused columnist Anne Coulter of racism after referring to veteran White House correspondent Helen Thomas as “that old Arab” in a recent column. It’s okay; this column is referring to Anne Coulter as “that frighteningly paranoid right-wing columnist.”

Pekin, Illinois Mayor Lyn Howard was recently indicted for using a city credit card to obtain $1,400 in cash advances at the Pair-A-Dice Casino in East Peoria. One imagines Howard running around the casino floor with bags of cash while screaming, “Thank you, taxpayer, for the best night of my life!”

Newly elected Afghani president Hamid Karzai has tapped controversial warlord Abdul Rashid Dostum to become chief of staff to the commander of the armed forces. One has a hunch that the former head of the Northern Alliance won’t be stepping down because his nanny was undocumented.

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