If you are a sleazy, smelly, sneaky salesman than you should probably seek me out, because I can’t say no to anyone and will most likely donate to your bullshit fund.

I am a pretty giving person and try to see the good in every situation and a lot of the time these things work against me.

For example, last night I had two separate instances of solicitors at my door. The first was a gentleman, much more genuine then the scuz buckets I will get to in my next story. He was looking for a donation that would go towards gun prevention for children, or something of that nature. Now, I donated to this very same person merely a month or two ago when he stopped me on the stairs going into my apartment. I don’t know what it is about these people, but I feel so obligated to give my money to them. Last night though, I told him that I just recently donated and told him good luck, but as he turned his back I felt so bad that I didn’t give him anything!

Now, these next people came around to my apartment around 9p.m., which is a little strange to begin with. They were the epitome of people who scam others posing as salesmen, but I unfortunately didn’t pick up on this at the time. They were cheesy, making jokes about the decorations in my apartment and trying to make me get comfortable while they proposed that I buy magazine subscriptions so that they can win a trip to the Bahamas or some other tropical place. They basically pushed their way into my apartment after I told them that I was broke, but they were persistent in saying even if I ordered a subscription and canceled they would still get the points they needed to win their trip, and I wouldn’t loose any money.

I should have been skeptical. I was skeptical. But for some reason it sort of made sense what they were saying. “Just call this number on the back, give them the ticket number and your order is canceled, but we still get our points!” It seemed promising, and again, I felt completely trapped into busting out my wallet. While writing each of them a check, I asked many times to make sure that these checks wouldn’t go through to the bank because I didn’t even have enough in my account to cover the cost.

After some more BSing, they convinced me that the checks wouldn’t go through and I would still be helping them. At this point, they were sitting on my couch and I was just doing it so they would get out. After a few more lame jokes, they made way out the door, leaving a lingering scent of body odor. No joke.

After all of this, I call the number on the back of the receipt that they gave me and the assistant on the phone said that I have to mail in my receipt stubs within three days of the sale if I even want to cancel, and my checks might have already been sent out. Great. I told her exactly what these two “gentleman” told me about them still getting their points and she said that they had lied and apologized while getting their names from the receipts.

I got punked. My only advice to you is to shut the door if two late teen/early 20s guys come to your door. If you do answer, throw some deodorant at them and tell them to get lost.

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