In case you haven’t heard, today is Valentine’s Day. You may have a hot date lined up, but you’re probably just planning on watching The Notebook and eating your feelings. While that does sound appealing, it’s not too late to get a date!
Here’s what you do. Go home and make yourself look hot. Guys, gel your hair. Girls, do your makeup. When you’re positive you’re looking your best, get out your camera and take some pictures. Do the “duck face” and the “Myspace angle.” Flex those muscles. Just try to be as attractive as possible. When you’re all done, pick the best photo and edit the hell out of it. Make yourself look skinny and tan, and whiten those teeth! If you’re doing this right, you should look nearly unrecognizable compared to your old, dateless self.
Now here comes the most important part: Upload this amazing portrait of your beauty to your Facebook page, using a caption such as, “just chilling lol,” so your potential dates will think you effortlessly look this awesome. Then just sit back and wait for someone to respond to your picture. If you’ve waited longer than an hour and still have no comments, it’s time to take drastic measures. Start hanging out at places where you think a potential date might be, such as the Illini Grove, Jimmy John’s or the Illini Arcade.
If you follow all of these steps and you still don’t have a date, maybe being attractive just isn’t your thing. Besides, you probably really wanted to watch The Notebook, anyway.