Ah, Valentine’s Day again. And this year, I especially cannot escape it. One would think you could probably evade a completely Hallmark-based holiday with minor ease. False. False, false, false. It’s like I can’t even open my eyes without reading or seeing something related to V-day. I logged onto Thesaurus.com to find out more deets on the most synonymous dinosaur in town, and conversation hearts blocked my view. Thanks for the notice, again, that the only thing nice I will probably get on Valentine’s Day will be from my mother (No complaints there; she sends wicked care packages.)
In all actuality, it’s hard to hate Valentine’s Day. Even though it’s a crushing reminder that I’ve got no date to the prom, all the cloyingly cute merch at the grocery store/mall/online/everywhere else makes it hard not to smile. I mean come on. They take stuff that is typically super boring, like hand towels, shower curtains, plates, mugs and really, all other household accoutrements, add red/pink/pastel colors and a heart design and blamo, you’ve already stolen my heart. Have you seen Target’s Valentine’s Day selection yet? I saw it a month ago and I was already getting all flustered.
I’m a huge sucker for anything that has hearts on it. For example, I somehow found myself on the Valentine’s Day page on Etsy (whatever you do, if you are like me, don’t even think about it. Danger-zone) and came across a custom-designed cutting board with heart cutouts for a married couples’ initials. Just stop. Thankfully I can convince myself I don’t need or want it for practicality’s sake, but jinkies. And I only have my initials which would just make it seem narcissistic. Or paranoid with ownership. I don’t even want to talk about the tights with red leather hearts sewn onto the knees. Ooof.
Then there’s all the chocolate that’s involved. And every baked good that has animorphed into something heart-shaped, covered in pink icing and dotted with red, pink and white — probably heart-shaped — sprinkles. Somebody, cut me a break. My heart and my blood sugar need a vacation.
But really, who am I kidding here? I’m totally going to go to Target, peruse their Valentine’s Day selection, persuade myself to NOT buy that cut red and pink heart wreath they have and instead go to the grocery section and stock up on the Valentine’s Day funfetti mixes that are now only 89 cents. Then maybe if I can muster up the self-control, I’ll drive home and not make the cake mix and eat the whole thing while I watch Netflix in bed. Though this is starting to sound like the best idea I’ve ever had. Happy Valentine’s Day!