Hello all. In my last column I touched upon the inaccurate representations of relationships in television and movies. No matter how talented an actor, no matter how brilliant a writer, relationships and love, with all their complexities, are virtually impossible to portray. Often, some of Hollywood’s attempts can get just downright silly. And as a love-obsessed society, myself included, weeat it right up. It embeds into us an expectation for our future and current endeavors in love. I grew up with Disney movies which implanted in me the idea that the climax of my life will be when I meet and marry my one true love. While that concept isn’t so dangerous, I grew up to watch The Notebook, Twilight and Friends, all giving me more expectations that my real life romances have yet to live up to.
I’m going to go ahead and displace some of the blame for my two year relationship with a total douchebag on Sex and the City. Carrie endures a rocky relationship with Mr. Big for 10 seasons. TEN SEASONS AND TEN YEARS—how did viewers put up with that? The man has an array of issues, ranging from commitment problems to emotional unavailability and everything in between. But Carrie sticks with him because of the skewed notion that he’s “the one.” A young and naïve me excitedly bought into this notion. Consequentially, I started pining after the womanizers, the unfaithful and the assholes. I was assured that all they needed was to find the right woman to love and they would be transformed into committed and loving boyfriends. I endured the emotional torment and exhaustiveness of dating one of these men, excusing all of his careless and selfish behavior hoping everything would change once he realized I was “the one.” In reality, bad people are just bad people. Their only chance of magically changing will be of their own accord; no one is in charge of fixing them. I found this out the hard way when I realized that there was no way my ex could ever love me as much as he loved himself. All people are flawed. The important thing is to find somebody who has a good heart, somebody who is capable of bettering themselves and making another person happy. It’s time to stop settling for the men who make us wait for a happiness that will probably never come. The good ones are out there, I promise.
Love is not supposed to be easy; it’s complicated and it takes hard work. I’m a firm believer in the idea that anything worth having doesn’t come easy. But that doesn’t mean you should endure months, or even years, of emotional abuse in the hopes of achieving that fairy tale moment when everything falls into place—a la every rom-com that has been shoved in our face. The harsh truth is that we need to stop striving for rollercoaster romances and embrace the reality of love. I promise that a loving, mutually caring and comfortable relationship is just as satisfying as any climatic moment. More importantly, it’s more likely to last and leave you happier and healthier. It probably won’t be able to make your relationship into a romantic blockbuster but your love story will be more than enough for the two of you.