Hello again, readers. As I begin to write this week’s column, I’m overcome by the feeling that I may not be qualified to give out any relationship advice. My own love life seems to be in shambles, and any attempt to repair it is like putting a Band-Aid over a gunshot wound. At this point, if I were to try to give advice, it would be along the lines of, “Love sucks, relationships suck, everyone should become either asexual or a nun.” Truth is, I’m heartbroken, confused and desperately waiting for love to finally work in my favor.
Instead of pouring myself into something productive like schoolwork or exercise, I’ve spent a large majority of my time moping and listening to sad songs. Songs of heartbreak, loss and rollercoaster relationships all seem to give me more comfort than any pep talk from my friends could. And in the midst of a sad Bon Iver song, I realized that comfort came from knowing that I was not alone. That somebody else, at one time or another, had felt exactly what I was feeling. It was in that realization that I decided that maybe my readers didn’t need to be told advice or tips on how to have a perfect relationship from a stranger on the internet claiming to have all the answers. Maybe they feel the way I feel and need the comfort of knowing that they are not alone, just like I did. Because the truth is, I don’t have all the answers. But I do know what it feels like to be rejected, to fall in love with the wrong man, to fall in love with somebody who doesn’t love you back, to be abused, to have the wrong timing and to have someone give up on you. It’s painful, but that’s the way it’s supposed to be. It means that at one point or another, you loved and cared for someone with your whole heart. And what’s life, if we don’t spend it loving one another and risking it all?
One day, while I was venting to my mom about my love life and telling her how I hoped to figure out how to be happy one day, my mom told me, “Even when you’re my age, you still won’t have it all figured out.” And that made me realize that life isn’t about figuring things out and gaining all the answers: it’s about living. So don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Ignore all the advice you’ve ever gotten, and have a fling with that guy you know is wrong for you. Get back together with your ex. Fight for love, even when you want to give up. Who has the right to tell you what to do? No one has all the answers. We are all a part of the learning experience. We all make stupid mistakes when it comes to love, and no one goes through life without feeling pain and heartbreak in one form of another. And when the time comes that love doesn’t work out in your favor, take solace in the fact that you truly are not alone. I promise you that.